No one reads this anyway...

so I figured I'd write about my life. Things are on an upswing lately. I re-met a girl I once dated and we are now dating (officially this time). I'm so blessed to have her in my life. She's an awesome girl, a beautiful woman and a fantastic kisser. (TMI)

I asked her out in Vegas which was fun. See my facebook or myspace for the pics.

Umm what else. Oh... The karaoke community in Esco lost a good guy this 4th to a fight between gangs at a party. Daniel Alexander passed away when entering a party held on 9th ave. Please pray for his family and friends as they cope with this loss.

Ok that's about all for now. I'll write more eloquently when I'm not tired/tips.

Love you all. (anyone who reads this and leaves me comments.... nice or mean.)

Got myself a journal

I got myself a journal. Whoop. I guess I had it for a while but I'm just now starting it. Wish I would have thought about that a few weeks ago. Haha.

Ok that's all. Will write more later. More in my journal for sure. But y'all will get something. (all like 3 of you)

Jobs, Traveling and Getting Out.

So I realize now more than ever how much I miss L.A. Seriously, it's a great town. I can relate to people there. Not the party scene, that's not me, but the flow of things. California is my home and it will probably be that for quite some time but there are parts of California that I love more than others. After living and working in L.A. I realize that it's where I'm called to be. Not a day goes by, good or bad, that I don't wish I was there.

I've spent a while researching possible jobs up there and so far I've found very little. I need to call some of my contacts up there on Monday and find out if there's anything going on. Till then I have 3 jobs lined up to work on. I'll be doing promotional videos for a few companies across the country. That leads me to my next thought.... traveling.

I love to travel. There are few things better than the open road. In the next few weeks I'm going to be traveling to Portland and Michigan. I've been to both places before but I've never had the chance to fully engage them and discover them. While in Portland I hope to find a nice coffee shop to spend my mornings before filming. In Michigan, I'll probably spend a lot of time driving to Grand Rapids to visit Beth and up to Ann Arbor. It's an exciting time!

Through these two jobs I'm hoping to have enough money to move up to L.A. I'll be doing some preliminary job searching this week so wish me luck! I don't really care what I'm doing up there as long as I can be around a creative environment. Since being back at home, I've learned that my professors were right, removing yourself from creative people makes you less creative. I miss that. I need that.



"take a look at what i did but can you imagine what im about to do
the places im bout to go and the money im bout to see
gave bill gates some binoculars and said look out for me" - Ludacris

I promised so here it is...

Ok so I promised a blog last night on my facebook post. Here it is.

So a few of my friends sat me down last night and had a chat, let's call it an "intervention", and although I don't think they were 100% convincing, they did bring about a few good points. There are some things I feel I owe to you to clarify about my few previous blogs.

1 - I called the girl I was considering dating immature. In fact she is probably one of the more mature girls I know for her age. I should have added that I meant to only call her immature as far as dating goes. I've dated quite a bit more than she has and although that doesn't necessarily mean that one is more mature in that area (although I'd argue that it is in this case), it probably would have been more appropriate to use the word "experienced".

2 - I was told that L.A. has changed me. My friends don't like that. I do. Perhaps it's my more cynical outlook on life, perhaps it's the fact that I'm a bigger ass hole, perhaps It's the simple fact that I've grown (in their eyes not for the better) into what I've set my mind to become (to do what I want to do, you have to be an ass hole, full of yourself... etc.). Whatever the case, I am truly not sorry. I can't be. I won't be. If the way I am is offensive to you then that's your problem and not mine.

3 - One of my friends rose an interesting question. She asked me if I stand by everything I've said. My answer was that I stand by it 100%. I may not believe it anymore, I may have seen the "error of my ways". The Grouch (musician... not the muppet) puts it best. He says the "The older I get, the dumber that I was". I stand by everything I said in the moment, however fueled by rage it may have been. It still is something I meant at the time.

4 - I've been told that I don't treat the girls I'm dating very well. (Previous girlfriends... please chime in here.) I honestly don't see where that comes from. I try to treat all women with the respect they deserve. In the next few weeks I'm going to have to ask for clarification on this. The only clarification I've received so far is the fact that I ONCE cheated (sort-of) on a girl. Mind you I was a freshman in high school. That was 8 years ago and to this very damn day, I regret it. The people I've talked to also cited my previous relationship. Here's a little back-story: I was dating a girl for well over a year and a half. Up until this point, she had told me that she would love to live in Cali since I knew I needed to after graduation. Last summer she lived with me and she started having second thoughts. Things went down hill fast after that and I was trying to hold together our relationship. I knew I loved her. I even had the ring picked out and most of the money to buy it. I wanted nothing more than to have her out in cali. Towards the end it got really rough and I knew I had to end it. She knew it too. It was just a bad situation. Anyway from my dealings with her, my friends assess that I was stringing her along for God knows what. I'm not sexual active so it couldn't have been for that. I was being emotionally wrecked and since I'm not a masochist it couldn't have been the pain. In all honesty I was hoping she would still want to be with me. Nothing more. If that's treating a woman wrong then I'm damn well happy about it. I hope to get more clarification on this point in the next few weeks. Seriously though, any of my exes who read this (I still am on good speaking terms with all of them... I must not treat them too terribly...) please chime in.

It was nice to clear some things up with the people of Escondido. I doubt the friendships that were strained will ever get back to where they were before I left of L.A., but isn't that how life works? They say there is a 7 year turnover on friendships. I know the people here will never be completely gone from my life. I will always consider them friends, if not close friends.


Tomorrow (hopefully) I'm meeting with the girl I mentioned in earlier blogs. I want to clear things up with her. This whole issue is getting to be stupid and I don't want it to destroy whatever sort of friendship we can salvage. I've contacted her and she asked to push it back a day. I'm hoping she decides to meet with me. The ball is in her court now. I've done what I can.



Ok enough of Mr. Nice Guy. Back to being an ass hole.


"I've got birds in my ears, and a devil on my shoulder" - Cute Is What We Aim For

My car bit me

Today's rule: No vowels.

S tdy wkd n my cr. t bt m. Tht sn f btch. Nt t bd thgh. nly lttl bt f bld.

(getting annoyed yet... I know I am. Time to break the rule.)

Ok so let's start again shall we? I'll let you translate the first part and pick up from there.... ok here we go.

After working on my car I decided to go to the coffee shop and read for a bit. I'm in the middle (rather... end... I'll finish it tonight probably) of the second Charlie Harris book in the True Blood series. They are no way near any sort of literary masterpiece but they seriously are awesome summer reads. I'll probably go out and buy the next book tomorrow. I'll need something to read next time I get a hankering for Earl Grey tea (probably tomorrow around 2:48).

Yeah... I think that's it for the night. Nothing really new or old to talk about at the moment.

We should all keep pretending,
That our dreams are patent pending.
- Jason Mraz

just updating you on life, love and being an ass hole (and loving it)

today's rule: no caps. (they think they are better than lowercase... i'm putting them in their rightful place!)

ok so i'm here typing this blog. i don't know what it's going to be about really but judging from the title i should talk about life first:

life
life is good. i went up to l.a. yesterday after getting a new battery for my car to visit friends. unfortunately somewhere along the way i misplaced my drivers license. not good. i'll try to find that otherwise i'll get a new one on monday. no biggie. it was great seeing all the people up in the city of angels that i love. i got to see almost famous last night at a midnight showing. it was great. i love that film so much. gah it's epic. today i spent most of my time with elena. elena is one of those people who you just click with. i don't think i'd ever be interested in dating her but i know that we'll be friends forever. it's awesome how people are put in your life like that. they are few and far between. i can only count maybe 4 friends that i'll be consistently in contact with. the latter part of the day was spent with lance and patricia. they are good people.

love:
nothing much new to report here. i do have a prospective date though. patrica wants to hook me up with her co-worker. very attractive brunette (i know i swore of brunettes after megan but... hey... gotta test the waters right?)

being an ass hole:
i just have to face the prospect of losing friends. i don't know that i really care though. i'm an ass hole like that. my mentality is changing in that aspect. i used to fear being thought of as such but lately i've come to realize that life's more fun when you dont give a fuck and you're brutally honest. my last blog pissed a few people off (notably the barista from blue mug. she was really ticked even though i didn't say anything too terrible about her. honestly i like her as a person. she's interesting). it probably pissed you off too. i'm not sorry. it's how i felt at the time and so yeah, you guys got it unedited, unplanned and for all the world to see. i don't name names in my blog very often on purpose. i like to keep things as anonymous as possible. maybe i'll start with the names. that would add to this whole "ass hole" persona that in digging.

quote to live by:

"nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world" - amos lee

yeah...

So I've had a lot going on lately. Pardon the spelling errors too I'm on my crckberry. There are times in your life when you just need to get away and this is one of them. I'm sitting at the coffee shop a table away from the girl that for a good long while I thought I wanted to date. She's sitting with a barista who at one time was really happy for me and was pushing for the relationship to happen now they are completely ignoring me. Here's what I learned from this whole situation. Don't attempt to date anyone well under your maturity level. You get high school drama. Don't try to date someone you've been friends with for a long time. Even if there is no real relatuinship the friendship is fucked up. Don't date within a circle of friends. It shows true loyalties and ruins otherwise happy friendships.

I think this is a true sign that I am supposed to be up in los angeles. I've got great friends up there. The women are beautiful and although there is drama its not stupid shit like down here and if you want to get out of it there's always another group of friends to go be around.

Fuck this town. Fuck the drama. Fuck the people. Fuck crusin grand. Fuck blue mug. Fuck the people going nowhere. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck it all. I need a cigarette.

The fucking end.

The roller coaster that is my life

So I've been planning this trip for months now. I've contacted all the right people. I've gotten places to stay, my light kit came in and my car came back from the shop. This morning was the beginning of what was supposed to be a 2 week trip to Houston and back. Unfortunately, my car had other plans.

A while ago I got a fix-it-ticket for my front driver side headlight being out. No biggie. I just have to stop in and show the cops I got a new bulb. I pull into the police station and park. I then proceed to get out my car walk in and find out that I have to go to another station because they aren't cool enough to look at the shitclipse. No biggie. It'll put me in Vegas about 30 min late but I'm fine with that. I'll be rolling in after dark anyway. I go back to my car and sit down. I put the key in the ignition, turn it and "click click whine". I laugh to myself and swear. I try it again and "nothing". I then proceed to punch the ceiling so hard there is now a dent.

It turns out that there is a short somewhere in my engine. The alternator works and the battery works but the power from the alternator won't reach the battery. WHAT THE FUCK!

So now I'm here, stranded, looking for flights out of San Diego to Houston. It's looking like it'll cost just as much for the ticket alone as it would have to drive there and back.

FML.

The hardest things in life are generally the easiest to achieve.

So it would seem that at this point in my life there have been only a few really hard things that I've had to deal with; my mother nearing death, running out of toilet paper when I really need it, breaking off a very long term relationship and confronting friends about situations that need addressing. I did that last one tonight and realized something. Generally the hardest things in life tend to be the easiest.

I prepared myself for the worst. For the past week I literally have been sweating bullets and chickening out every chance I got. I was loading up my car after spending the night naked in the hot tub with 4 of my closest friends and finally the words stumbled from my lips. To my surprise, things went exactly had I told myself a thousand times they would. I got the initial blank stare then I heard the words I hoped, and ultimately knew I would. No harm done, no yelling, no lost friendship and in the end I got what I wanted. It was that easy.

Why was I such a pansy? Why did I wait this long? I suppose because that in the end, I'm a complete knuckle-head. I've had quite a few people urging me to just do it already and it turns out that they were completely correct. The bad scenario in my mind was a total farce. I think it's that way with a lot of things and the best way to remedy a situation like this is to dive in head first and do the deed. So next time you're in a tough spot, use the band-aid approach. Quick and painless (sometimes painful). It's the only way to live.

Semi-epic post.

So as far as an epic blog is concerned, here's what I've got.


The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I've graduated which means I've left all my friends, both at ONU and LAFSC behind without any sure promise of seeing a single one of them. It's sort of bittersweet. I mean I have those friends like Tracey and Elena that I know will be around for a good long while but at the same time I'm probably going to lose contact with a lot of people that I got very close to (especially at LAFSC).
I've also become a lot closer with a friend here in San Diego. I'm not sure at this moment where it'll take us but at the very least we've become much better friends. I think we're both hoping it'll become more than that but until I get a few things sorted out, I'm sort of stuck in this no-man's land where I can't move forward and I don't want to pull back. (I'm going to catch a ton of shit for writing this but eh... WTF who cares right?)
I've also put back on about 5-10 pounds that I'd lost at LAFSC. That needs to change. I think I might try the whole vegan thing or raw foodist thing again for a short time. Not because I want to save the poor baby cows (God... I freaking LOVE veal) but more to teach myself to eat healthier. No more fries!
I got my light kit in the mail today and that made me super happy. I got to play with it and stuff. I can't wait to set up my first interview with it! Oooooh I'm getting stoked just thinking about it!
My car is going in the shop tomorrow and then I'm going to start on my road trip. I'm getting really excited about it actually. I have just a little money and a lot of time. OOOOOOH this is going to be hella fun! If anyone wants me to stop by (I suppose most of my readers are from san diego...) just shoot me a message and I'll crash on your couch for a night!
umm what else. I love all of you for reading this and leaving me comments... however if you don't leave comments then you forfeit my love. Simple as that.

TBA

Epic blog tonight.. Maybe.

Reflections of an ass hole

Ok since my last post I've be doing a sort of social experiment.

Here's what I've found:
Being a complete jerk doesn't work. I tried it with no luck.
Being a nice guy still doesn't work. Thomas enjoy it (she's moving back in a month)
The trick is finding that happy medium and going for it. I have had a little luck with being arrogant and over-confident. That seems to be the best trick for getting women to notice you. For the time being I'm going to continue on this path and see where it lands me. I'll keep you posted. Haha.

A real blog will be coming soon I promise...

On becoming less genine

Ok so I had a very interesting conversation tonight with a friend. It turns out my worst fears have come true. After almost 3 years of dating the same girl, I've turned into the "nice guy". You know one. He's the guy that no matter how nice, how genuine, how polite he is, he doesn't ever seem to get the girl.

I was told tonight that I'm not what most girls are looking for and at this juncture in my life I want to be the one the girls are looking for.

Ive decided that for the foreseeable future I'll become less genuine. Consequences be damned. I don't give a fuck about genuineness. I don't give a fuck about how the world views me on a deeper level. On that deeper level I'll be that nice guy. I'll be the guy to bring you flowers and to make you soup when you're sick. I'll be that nice guy who won't take advantage of you if you've had too much to drink. On the deeper level I will be a nice guy, in other words I'll be a pussy.

on the outside though I'll be the bad ass. I'll be the guy your mother warned you about. I'll be the guy who seems like he will fuck you and forget you. I'll be the guy who buys you a drink then stares at your tits and I'll be the guy that most women at this point in their lives seem to be looking for.

You (women) are just as shallow as I am. Don't try to deny that and say you want the good guy. The good guy always gets fucked. The good guy doesn't win. This is real life. It's ok to be good on the inside but God damnit if you show that to the world.